Contagion Of Compassion

Joan Jett - Androgynous

2009-11-28T14:08:00.000-08:00

I first heard about Joan Jett when I was a teenager. I was about 12 or 13 and taking the morning bus to school and I saw a girl - she must have been a couple of years older who waited on the other side of the street. She would get her coffee and walk around impatiently for her bus. She had the most amazing jacket I ever saw - dungaree with a picture on the back - the cover of "Bad Reputation."

I think I probably had a crush on her although at the time, I did not let my curiosity get the better of me. I was just enamored with her jacket. I had to know more about it. And know more about it I did. I became an avid fan.

I can honestly say that Joan Jett helped me become the woman I am today even though I never met her. Her music was always a constant in my teen and early adult years. Her songs helped me through some tough times, helped me get to better know myself, and helped me find the courage to be the rebel that is me.

Today, I saw a video of "Androgynous" and it prompted an entire conversation in my mind. Watch:

I was reminded of my rant about "Stand for Marriage Maine" and how they claimed homosexuals were after your children. There was Joan Jett - sitting in front of a classroom full of children, singing about a boy in a skirt and a girl with chains. Happy androgynous people who love each other.

Wow. I realized how right she is. How important it is to teach our children that there are all sorts of people in this world and we all want the same thing - to be happy. We want love in our lives, to express ourselves, to love someone and to give our love. Teaching children about people that are different is crucial to illuminating the fact that under our skin, in our hearts - we are all the same.

As parents, we are entitled to teach our children what we will. We instill our values, our code of morality, our world view. Recognizing our differences gives children a wide array for analysis to determine where they fit in the continuum.

As a forty-something year old gay woman, I have yet to meet another gay person whose parents were not heterosexual. And I've met a lot of gay people. Having parents of a particular orientation does not guarantee your child will or will not be gay. What I think Joan Jett is saying here is, "Who cares as long as they are happy?" I wholeheartedly agree!

Figuring it out - at least a little

2009-11-27T20:43:00.000-08:00

Almost immediately after posting my thoughts for the week about letting go, life let me know at least one really big obstacle to my growth that I need to let go of. I guess asking the question was enough to prompt a response and of course, I'm sitting here wondering why that? Why not something easier?

Years ago my sister and I "parted ways." It wasn't an argument that lead us apart, it was a conflict of personalities. She's not the sort of person I would choose to spend time getting to know. She's not the sort of person I would welcome into my world if we were not related by blood.

Normally, twin sisters are close. We're not identical but there's a bond between twins that exists. It's not so much that we don't have that bond. More likely, that bond is polluted with anger and resentment. For as long as I can remember, my sister has expressed a great deal of distaste for me.

In 1994, she choose to engage in an act that would cause me a great deal of suffering. An act that would have consequences beyond what any of us could possibly imagine at the time. She's not the sort of woman to take "no" for an answer and I tried to stand up to her and say "no."

Ultimately, I backed down. It took me over a year but I did. And I left our hometown and have only gone back on rare occasion. I went about my life, accepting what I could not change. Accepting that we would never have the relationship I formed with her in my mind. Accepting that sometimes peace of mind costs family relationships.

All these years later, life is telling me that I have not yet let go. Not really. There is a huge emotional burden I'm carrying that is holding me back. My self-image is very much tied to the dynamics which I thought I rejected.

It's time to let go. It's time to face the music - deal with the "ouch" of it all and forgive my sister. I am still confused as to how but I'm working on it.

Week of November 22, 2009: After Seven Years

2009-11-22T11:06:00.000-08:00

It's been seven years since James died. I've learned a lot about myself and about how to continue living when you've lost your future, your hope, your will to go on. As I've said before, it's my desire to continue to make James proud of me that leads me to live a life of courage and perseverance. Without the belief that James is still watching, still wanting me to be the mother he knew, I would not be here today.

But still, there are aspects of grief that I am still learning about. There is a huge lesson that I'm struggling with today and a challenge I've not overcome. That lesson is - letting go. I don't know how to but I know that I have not done so yet. I know this because life, and James, have given me indication that I'm still clutching onto something that I refuse to let go of.

I'm not really sure what that is. On an intellectual level, I think that I've processed his death and the reality of it. Surely what I must let go of is on an emotional level. But I still don't understand what it is that I must let go of.

This is a unique avenue to process my thoughts and emotions - a somewhat public way to grieve. I'm normally an extremely private person and I'm certainly far from large scale exposure on the internet. But putting my experience out there gives me some comfort that I'm taking steps to reach out, not only to help others but to learn and grow in the process.

I have to let go. This I know. But what must I let go of? What am I holding onto? What am I refusing to see? What won't my heart look at? What is my heart grasping onto? I've cried a river of tears. I've shed so much pain and agony of loss through my tears. Even today, I sat and pulled out every picture I have of James - from his birth to his death and all ages in between. Reflecting on those moments and others we shared. He had the biggest, brightest smile in so many of those pictures. And I cried.

But I still don't know what I'm supposed to let go of. I've done a lot of letting go in my life. I've let go of anger, resentment, bitterness. It's not as though I don't know how to let go. I've recognized those things inside which have held me back and understood the necessity of letting them go. But here, I am baffled - sincerely baffled.

I'm certain since I am asking these questions that the answer will come. When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

7 Years Today

2009-11-20T09:27:00.000-08:00

Today marks the 7th anniversary of the day James' Spirit was released from his body. It's always a difficult time for me, the days leading up to and especially the day of this particular day.

7 years ago today I was touching his cold body, in shock, thinking this can't be.

7 years ago today I was feeling the finality, the irreversibility of what just transpired.

7 years ago today the ground beneath my feet crumbled and my mind sat quiet, digesting that I would never hear his voice again.

I begged God to change it, fix it, make it some crazy nightmare that didn't really happen. In the years since, like others who have had this same devastation in their lives, I've picked up the pieces and wake up each day trying to figure out what my life means without James.

I hold onto hope because I have to. I hold onto the future because I must live each day in the spirit of what James would want for me and I know he certainly would never want his life to stand for the destruction of my own. I know he wants for me to find beauty in the world and know peace in my heart because that's who James was as a person.

But still, my heart is broken.

Health Care Reform - Necessary or Evil?

2009-11-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a little reading today about the new Health Care Reform bill proposed legislation. Wow. Some people are outraged at the idea of this reform. I'm perplexed to understand why it is fueling a rage in some people.

I often listen to extremist radio personalities - just to see what they are spouting. Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Michael Savage - those sorts. I have heard their claims that under this new health care reform, people who could not afford health care coverage would be arrested. And they are serious. What's most scary is that there are many people who believe them!

Some one told me today that they "skimmed" the entire 2,000 page text and claim now they know what the health care reform bill is all about. Okay, this is not a joke. This is scary!

I read a comment posted by someone who was infuriated with this socialism and that there is no constitutional guarantee for healthcare.

This debate would be interesting but the reality is, there are so many Americans who get their "news" from extremist radio personalities who claim to use reason and logic and fact to illustrate how detrimental to the American people health care reform is.

I say, lets actually read what the bill says. Lets determine for ourselves whether or not it's a good step in the right direction for this country. Lets be our own arbiters of truth. Lets think about the millions of Americans who suffer from ill health and cannot afford adequate care. Lets think about the millions of Americans who, already financially drained, must reach into their pockets to pay for essential medications. Lets think about an American community, joined in a common goal - sufficient health care coverage for all.

Opponents say that the American health care system as it exists is the best in the world. That may be the case but if most people cannot afford medical services, what good does it do. Universal health care coverage does not diminish quality of medical services.

But these are just my opinions. You decide for yourself.

Week of November 15, 2009: Tolerance

2009-11-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

On November 3, 2009, the people of the State of Maine voted to reject legislation passed in May that would allow same gender couples to marry. The so-called "Stand For Marriage Maine" movement campaigned against this legislation and now contends that the majority has spoken and that this is the "will" of the people - in a misguided attempt at protecting the "sanctity" of marriage.

What I witnessed was not a display of the will of the people of Maine. It was a campaigned heavily funded and influenced by people who reside in other parts of the country, masterminds really, of marketing that preyed upon the fears of Mainers across the state.

During one of the most popular prime time shows in the country, "Dancing With the Stars," this coalition purchased advertisement airtime to run commercials which depicted homosexuals as a forceful crowd salivating to get their hands on the children of Maine to impose the homosexual agenda of teaching children about same sex marriage. In fact, they went so far as to allege homosexuals were already being paid to teach homosexuality to children in Maine schools.

The vote was extremely close and the "majority" was a few vote points away from defeat. Stand for Marriage Maine claims, "Marriage is a pillar of society and should be protected from distortion by politicians and homosexual marriage activists who want to redefine it to suit their objectives." My objective ladies and gentleman, is to secure the same rights as a citizen of the United States that others enjoy.

They claim on their website's blog that, "In clear and concise terms, we presented the facts for all Mainers to
consider before casting their ballot. Our campaign was one based on truth..."

The truth is, they did not rely on the truth. I saw the ads they ran on t.v. and the internet. I heard their radio ads. This was not truth by any means. The truth of opposing rights for a minority group and disguising it as morality has been practiced before in this country against other minorities.

The truth is, that more and more people are realizing us gay folk are just like everyone else. We have families, we have feelings, we have hopes and we have dreams. We want freedom, we want love, we want better for our children.

Understand that gay rights are not "special" rights. The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is guaranteed all in our great nation. Seeking to pursue happiness is not a crime when the object of your happiness is of the same gender as you. The right to liberty does not cease because of your emotional and physical connection is most gratified by someone of the same gender. The gay "agenda" is to ensure that our rights are not diminished.

Our "agenda" is to ensure that hate crimes against us are punished, not condoned. Our "agenda" is to live with the same protections afforded other citizens. Our "agenda" is to raise our children and to leave you to the responsibility of raising yours.

Learn from Jesus who embraced the lepers and prostitutes without judgment. Judgment is what allows one to
dehumanize another human being. Judgment gives one a sense of permission to hate and even seek to do harm to others. Judgment allows homophobic people to think that homosexuals do not have the right to live. Judgment is the evil which condones hate crimes. Do away with your judgments.

Love thy neighbor (even if they are gay). God commanded that we love our neighbor without qualifiers.

Give your time, attention, and energy to your own family and friends. Spend your energy engrossed in sharing the love you feel in your heart for those around you - that matter to you. In the last five minutes of your life, what you will reflect on and feel is most important are those times you shared love and joy with your family. Don't waste your time with anger and hate. You will regret it when you realize how much of your spent on wasted emotions.

Compassionate Business

2009-11-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

The Mobility Advocate™ is proud to support the compassionate and humanitarian efforts of Kids First Enterprise and Forward Mobility by offering their products nationally in the U.S. And what's more, taking its cue from these great humanitarian companies, The Mobility Advocate™ has pledged to donate 5% of all sales to organizations that support the wounded veterans of our great country such as the Wounded Warrior Project, Any Soldier, and the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America.

The Mobility Advocate™ will also donate an Innovator Ultra Light Wheelchair© for each 10 Innovators sold in a commitment to letting our troops know that their service and sacrifice for our freedom is appreciated.

Now that's a compassionate business.

Week of November 8 2009 - Can You Ever Really Save Someone From Themselves?

2009-11-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

Is it possible to save another who is trapped by their own thinking? When we view the reality of life, the world around us, people, places, news, events, our lives, we are viewing the world and each moment of our lives through a lens carefully crafted by our experiences - most of which were shaped and formed before we had the cognizant ability to critically think about the impact on our psyche.

One major unseen force that shapes our thinking is the family heirarchy under which we live for a crucial part of our development - those so called "formative years." During this time, we are educated on a world view adopted by those authority figures around us who instill in us, through actions and behviors as well as their words, on what to expect, what to believe, how to think.

On a rare occasion, there is someone who rejects these teachings who, on a primordial level, knows that the flaw in such handing down of values is the elimination of free will, of independent thinking, of ascertaining for oneself the meaning of life and the reality around them. This person is usually known as the black sheep - the trouble maker. Opposing the doctrine is a punishable offense yet that basic instinct remains.

So when we grow up and make our own way in this life, we believe in our values and principles, we claim our
independent morals and proceed to do our best with the circumstances we face.

In the course of my life, I have learned certain valuable lessons which I wish to share with the world and in
particular, with my loved ones. These lessons give me inspriration, hope, joy for life, and renew me with energy to speak candidly and openly about my experiences. I understand that my perception is flawed. I can believe with every fiber of my being in the "reality" I see before me but my perception can deceive me with the trickery of an influence long gone from my life - the lessons I learned in my formative years. So I seek to establish a better understanding of how I've been influenced and know that it is a lifelong battle that will never really be "won." But that doesn't stop me from seeking to better understand myself and how I think and why I think the way I think.

That has been my journey and will continue to be.

But that lesson is my lesson. And try as I might, I cannot convince the people I most want to convince that this is a truth of life. Still today, no matter what your age, you are influenced. Still today, no matter how much work you've done to tackle these demons, you are influenced. Still today, no matter how old you are, you are influenced.

The answer is, you cannot save someone from themselves. Each of us has a path to walk and no amount of
compassion can change another's thinking. At least that's my answer for today. Tomorrow's lessons may bring a greater understanding and teach me how to communicate in a far better way so that my words have the impact that they lack today.

Forward Mobility Still Needs Your Help! The voting continues

2009-11-04T11:25:00.001-08:00

The voting continues for Newpreneur of the Year. Forward Mobility still needs your votes!

The Herald in Snohomish County Washington published a story on Forward Mobility. Read more of their compelling story here.

Help Forward Mobility continue to help those less fortunate by voting! This little known company is up against some major internet players so the more people we can get to vote, the better their chance of success!

Vote here.

Thank you all for your support!

Week of November 1 2009: More on Compassion Fatigue

2009-10-31T18:59:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about this concept of "compassion fatigue" since I first learned of it being recognized as a condition or affliction that people who take care of the sick experience. It's been a difficult discussion to have with myself, trying to understand what it means - what it really means.

I do think that it's a kind and gentle way of refering to what happens when you devote your life to taking care of others or another. Caring for your elderly parent or parents, caring for patients as a health care provider, caring for a sick spouse or partner. You life becomes consumed with the needs of another and eventually, there is no time to care for your own wants and needs. It's also used in reference to community based or global events - like after September 11 or with regard to the poverty stricken children of our planet. You become "burned out" or desensitized and this phenomenon is being referred to as "compassion fatigue."

Okay, so, I don't agree. I think it's wrong to call it compassion fatigue. It bothered me when I first heard it and it bothers me today. While caring for another in those situations mentioned above is very much an act of compassion, it's not compassion which becomes fatigued. Compassion does not ask that we tend to the needs of others at our own expense. Compassion does not ask that we neglect our own needs and wants. Compassion does not ask that we forgo what is important to us or take on the responsibilities of another if that's not what we wish to do.

I take care of a sick and disabled partner and I experience the burn out. It's not my compassion that gets burned out, it's my resentment of having to live a life I never signed on for. She was not sick when we made our commitment to one another. She was young, full of life, and independent. Today, she is none of those and it is taxing to be the hope for two people, the life for two people, the one who has to do what she can't and what I need to do for us both.

My desire to alleviate her suffering is immense. It is unchanged. It is huge and powerful. But it cannot fix her or make her better. It cannot take away the pain in her body and the pain in her spirit. But that doesn't stop me from trying, in my own way, to accomplish it.

It is not compassion fatigue but care giver fatigue that I experience. What becomes fatigued is my energy, my
willingness, my hope, my drive, my pep, my joy of life. But never my compassion. I may waiver in my ability to extend that compassion but its not because my compassion has become fatigued. It's because my compassion has been overshadowed by my resentment at the life we are living. It is pushed to the background by my anger at having to do everything. It is buried by my frustration that I know better and she won't listen to my prudent advice.

My compassion is a gentle, sensitive part of me that is skiddish and scared. So the more assertive emotions can push it around, demand it to shut up. But the one thing my compassion always has the courage to do is to wait for the opportunity to shine.

I have never felt compassion and become drained. I have never extended compassion and been depleted. Compassion is ever-renewing energy. The more compassion you extend, the more fueled with energy you are. It does not get depleted. Compassion is its own generator and carries you forward in this journey.

Paranormal Investigations - Part 1

2009-10-29T15:15:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the paranormal. There are a lot of shows cropping up and it seems like each one gets more outrageous than the previous one. I watched a couple of episodes of a new show called "Extreme Paranormal" or something like that. Then there's Ghost Lab - that's a new one too.

Extreme Paranormal is the most horrifying to date. They actually perform rituals and the like to prod at the spirit world. They will replicate traumatic fatal events so prompt spirit activity. They are really really aggressive in their attempt to contact the departed.

Now, my attitude is to each his/her own. They are living the life they feel compelled to live, who am I to judge. These new shows have sparked some conversations with my partner that have served to further define my spiritual beliefs which I enjoy. I am realizing that I have formed certain conclusions based on my own personal experiences in conjunction with what I see happening in these shows so I thought I'd start a discussion about my theories, conclusions and conjecture.

My partner asked the other night why some spirits seem to have the ability to manifest more fully (as though they were in human form) while others are present but cannot seem to manifest. And in between those two extreme examples, lies a spectrum of degrees of manifestation.

I found myself responding with a theory that I think makes the most sense. I've heard repeatedly during these paranormal shows that investigators belief that spirits use energy from electronic sources as a means to manifest. They draw energy from batteries in cameras or recorders to make a sound, or show themselves to some degree. While this may be true, I think there is more to the story.

Just as in life, spirits possess emotions. In fact, I believe that the source of our emotions lies in our spirit form. I'm not aware of any scientific evidence that can pinpoint a biological function that creates emotions. Our chemistry and biological functions are influence and impacted by our emotions, but the source remains a mystery. I believe the source lies within our spirit. This is why spirits can be angry or happy.

In life, emotion fuels us, charges us, gives us energy or adrenaline. The more intense our emotions, the more energy we experience. Like when you are in love and can forgo sleep to spend time with your beloved. Or when you're angry and feel like you can rip phone books with your bare hands. Or when you're terrified and worried and can lift a car with your bare hands because someone you love is trapped inside after an accident. Emotions give us power and energy.

I believe that since our emotions reside in our spirit, the spirit continues to experience emotions once they are relieved of the shell that contained them. An angry spirit can throw books across the room, or create loud sounds and slam doors. A spirit that is charged with emotion can manifest itself - whether that emotional state be negative (as in anger) or positive (as in love).

I also think a contributing factor is the level of skill a spirit possesses. I don't think every spirit is alike and an obvious distinction is whether they are a "good" spirit or an "evil" spirit. But I think there are varying degrees of skill and ability.....but that's a discussion for Part 2!

Newpreneur of the Year - Forward Mobility Needs Your Votes!

2009-10-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

Newpreneur of the Year is a contest sponsored by Alibaba.com, in partnership with Inc. Magazine. What is a "Newpreneur"? According to Alibaba.com, a Newpreneur is, "A new breed of entrepreneurs who are using the recession as a catalyst to start a business or develop an idea. Using an innovative approach, they seize each opportunity with passion and ambition. By relying on emerging technologies, trusted resources and successful mentors, they take their business to the next level."

Why is this important to me? Because Forward Mobility is a company that distributes medical mobility products manufactured by a plant in Vietnam. This is where the story gets interesting ....Kids First Enterprise is a non profit organization that manufactures wheelchairs and other mobility products for Forward Mobility. They are on a mission to provide economic sustainability for the people Dong Ha Town while donating wheelchairs, organizing rehabilitation centers, and providing job training. Forward Mobility has been chosen from hundreds of applicants to advance to the finals. Now it's up to the voting public to narrow down the list of semifinalists.

Please VOTE NOW - You can vote once per day until November 6th so please support this company with a compassionate mission!

Gates and Opportunities

2009-10-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Ralph Waldo Emerson said,

"We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities."

There are so many different ways to look at the human experience, on a spectrum from positive to negative and what shapes us as individuals is our experience and perspective - unique to each of us. We may share common experience but what distinguishes us is our perspective and integration of those experiences into our beliefs, philosophies and thinking patterns.

We all yearn for something more, something better, greater knowledge and stronger connections. Setting about on our private chart, we plot the course we think best in attaining our goals. But in the vast sea that is our future, there are many unknowns.

Today, I strive to open gates and take full advantage of opportunities.

Week of October 25 2009: Are We Free or Imprisoned?

2009-10-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

Albert Einstein said,

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

The conflict of humanity, I think, is in meeting our individual needs while maintaining a compassionate posture for the world around us. If Albert Einstein was right, and I agree with him, then meeting our needs as an individual is a prison we live in unless we realize that our individual needs include the needs of all sentient beings.

There is a social consciousness, a social responsibility, to reach out to those in parts of the world so remote, we know nothing of their culture. But we rob their land of trees, fill their air with pollutants, infect the collective consciousness with negativity. We do reach out with each thought that fills our mind, not only to those directly affected by our emanation, but out into the vast expanse of the universe.

Einstein calls our understanding of separateness an optical delusion. Einstein was far more intelligent than I so I take his words seriously. But as with all things, I feel compelled to test out theories to determine for myself
whether or not they hold true for me.

I first learned about the concept of collective consciousness when I was in my early twenties many moons ago. While I hold spiritual convictions of divine wisdom and beliefs about what happens after death, it seems to me this notion of collective consciousness is religious neutral. Scientists have sought to experiment with the power of the mind and have discovered, as Gregg Braden eloquently discusses in "The Spontaneous Healing of Belief" that human consciousness influences quantum energy and that "[t]he results of our beliefs surround us as our everyday experience."

We have the power to influence the world we live in by freeing ourselves from the prison that our optical delusion has created by widening our circle of compassion. In this way, as more and more of us accept that basic understanding, we impact the collective consciousness in a positive way and change the tides so to speak.

I think this is what Nostradamus was referring to in his predictions for 2012. He lets us know we have the power to change our destiny by changing our attitudes, our beliefs, our understandings of the universe and how we fit. Our power is the power to gather our compassion and send it forth in great quantities so that it can reach those in need. And in so doing, our individual needs are met.

The Compassion of Kids First Enterprise

2009-10-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

I learned about this organization called Kids First Enterprise a little while ago. They are engaged in a marvelous humanitarian effort to help the disadvantaged people of Vietnam. You see, after the war, landmines were left behind in places where people travel. Many innocent Vietnamese people have lost their limbs and even their lives to these landmines.

Kids First Enterprise built a factory to help the people of Dong Ha Town in many ways. First, they don't have to travel to get employment. The factory is local so they don't face the risk of stepping on landmines. Second, they employ many people with disabilities that have already fell victim to the landmines. And, they are providing a means to sustain such programs as career training and rehabilitation. They also donate wheelchairs to children and adults who have never before had the opportunity to attain mobility and independence through these devices.

Forward Mobility is a US company that is working in partnership with Kids First Enterprise to distribute the products manufacturer in the Vietnam factory across the US. These are innovative mobility products that use cutting edge technology to help people retain their mobility and independence while recovering from surgery or injury.

What I love most about this story is that the compassion of a couple of people is making a difference to so many lives - people who never had advocates before and who would never be able to tell their story to the world are now being helped and given tools to improve their lives! This is compassion at its finest.

Alibaba, in conjunction with Inc. Magazine, has selected Forward Mobility as finalists in its Newpreneur of the Year contest. Read Forward Mobility's essay here.

The finalist are chosen through the voting public. Make your vote count! I will post a link on Monday for the voting website. Spread compassion around the globe with the click of a button!

Week of October 18, 2009: Is There a Message?

2009-10-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

I was the least compassionate that I've been in such a long time today. I guess you can say that I fell off the compassion bandwagon. In "retaliation" for having been denied compassion (or so I thought), I lashed out in anger and exploded.

In the heated moment, I was certain that my position was the correct position. I was ignored and so I got louder and louder until compassion fled the room. I can safely say that I don't know how to be a kinder, gentler version of myself when I'm feeling that my needs are ignored. There's still that voice in my head that says, "But Jackie, you were right." I ask myself, "What does that matter?"

Is it more important to me to be right than to be at peace? Sometimes the answer is yes. But at what cost? There's always more questions that pop up once I think I have the answer. Funny how that works.

Today, I want to do something different with my anger. Perhaps, understand it a little better. Befriend it. Anger is useful and I don't view it as a negative because there are situations where it is healthy, appropriate, and can even save your life. Getting angry is important when you feel that you have been unjustly wronged. In fact, that was one of the topics of conversation I was attempting to have when my anger got the better of me this afternoon.

It seems kookie but I once read a book that emphasized talking to areas of your body that may be experiencing pain in an attempt to understand the message they carry that you are meant to understand. I don't recall the book but it seemed like an extreme new agey kind of way to view the mind/body connection. So, in my experimental nature, I took the concept and put it into practice to see what results I might yield. Oddly enough, there was merit to this concept. If I am ignoring my aching feet and pressing forward to get things done, the ache in my feet will continue and progress so that eventually, I won't have a choice but to sit down and rest. Perhaps my feet, when they began aching, were trying to let me know it was time to sit and take a break. By ignoring them, and forcing them to comply, they got louder and louder until I could not ignore them any longer.

I wonder if the same does not apply to your emotions. My anger seems to be getting more and more explosive. Am I ignoring a message my anger is trying to communicate? I'll have to test out my theory and see if it applies because it's necessary to control the rage that is residing with me at the moment. Will I inflict physical harm in a rage, no. I don't think I'm capable of inflicting physical harm. But worse still in my mind is the emotional harm I am inflicting.

If there is a lesson to learn, a message my anger is carrying for me to know then I must stop ignoring it. Because like I did this afternoon, it will continue to get louder until I don't have a choice but to stop and listen.

Making the Moment Count

2009-10-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I watched someone who has been experiencing some "down" time take the day into her hands and make the moment count. She picked herself up, pushed herself out the door, and seized the day.

She got a lot accomplished. More in a couple of hours than she had in the entire month.

That's inspiration!

Often, when stress has gotten the better or me, I feel as though making any movement forward would require far more energy than I possess. I want to stay still, stay motionless, stay stuck. Taking the initiative to move forward and accomplish some task, any task that would further my goal(s) is monumental and there usually is no audience to cheer me on.

It starts with a thought in my mind. Just do this one small thing. Just try to get one task, no matter how seemingly insignificant it may be, checked off the list of things to do. That usually gets me going. Once I have that one task done, I am eager to more accomplished.

Each moment, even the bad moments, is its own classroom in which we can learn more about ourselves and life. Make each moment count by paying attention, being mindful, being alert to the lessons it holds for you.

Getting A Little Distracted

2009-10-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

So, as any good blogger might do, I'm trying to find ways to get the word out about this blog. Although we may all like to hear ourselves talk, the point to my contagion is to recruit as many people as I can to spread compassion and I can't do that very well without other people seeing the website and this blog.

So, I found a site called E-How. The nifty widget is on the sidebar.

I thought it would be a good way to promote the blog and get the word out and it is. But what I'm finding is that it's a website designed to earn income for the article writers (myself included) and most people don't really read these articles. They comment on them but don't really read it. Getting comments and recommendations increases the income potential. So there's this "you scratch my back I'll scratch yours" attitude.

I made .09 cents in one day. So, I can't quit my day job just yet but it's fun. I have 117 "friends" and 15 recommendations so far. 6 of my 8 articles have 5 * ratings. I don't know that it means all that much but I did try to make each article interesting and some of them humorous.

Enjoy!

News from Around the Globe!

2009-10-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

I tend to forget that I get the best news from The Onion Weekly. They have comprehensive coverage from around the globe and you don't get that depressed feeling that the world is coming to an end any minute after you've caught up with the latest on their website.

Here's an example:

Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

How to Practice Positive Thinking | eHow.com

2009-10-12T21:02:00.001-07:00

How to Practice Positive Thinking | eHow.com

Shared via AddThis

How to Deal With Ghosts | eHow.com

2009-10-12T18:10:00.001-07:00

How to Deal With Ghosts | eHow.com

Shared via AddThis

The Single Most Powerful Force

2009-10-12T15:32:00.000-07:00

I think that the single most powerful force of human existence is belief.

Belief can compel action, it can fuel emotion, it can instill fear and elicit joy. Belief spans across cultures, and gives commonality to enemies. Belief divides friendships and conquers entire nations.

Love is pale in comparison. Although love is powerful as well, and can compel action or fuel emotion, it is not nearly as potent as belief.

Belief is so powerful, it can influence reality. An anorexic person can look in the mirror and see fat where an emaciated body stands - belief deceives their eyes.

Well, love can decieve the eyes too. One can fail to see the flaws in another, blinded by the light of love. But love can transform itself into other emotions. It's fluid in a way that belief is not. Love can be passive, assertive, shy, aggressive. Belief is always strongly held and firmly grasped. Belief does not transform, it only evolves or submits to a superior belief. It becomes understood differently but still retains its shape and form.

One who has a belief can ignore many who oppose it. One small, quiet belief is more powerful than an army of love for that one small, quiet belief can grow to outlandish proportion and consume that army, bend it to its Will.

Love is powerful, yes. But belief is stronger. Belief can prompt action one might never otherwise consider. If I believe I'm in danger, I will respond with force even though I'm not a violent person. If I believe I'm right I will argue with you to the end to time, even if that argument ruins our friendship. If I believe I have a better way, then I will ignore your way because in my belief system, your way has no room to breathe.

Love is more forgiving. If I love you, I may worry that the argument I'm engaged in will have damaging consequences and I won't argue as strongly. My belief does not weaken or fade, it is merely outranked by a superior belief that our relationship is more important and since I desire peace with the one I love, I place more importance on that peace.

Yes the single most powerful force of human existence is belief. But it is not infallable.

The problem is, its weakness is its strength. It is too strong to sway or convince. It is too righteous to realize when its wrong. It is too self-absorbed to seek the opinions of others. Belief is too strong for its own good. Like a spoiled child who refuses to accept "no" from its parent and will take any action necessary for as long as is necessary to change that "no" to a "yes." Belief wants what it wants when it wants it.

Belief does not like to be kept waiting.

The beauty of belief is that it can lead to the accomplishments that advance society. Scientists, educators, innovators, politicians, artists, religious leaders, humanitarians, business leaders all shared a common denominator. The impetus that forged the breakthroughs and advancements we benefit from in our daily lives was belief.

Our ability to establish a belief system distinguishes us from other forms of life. It is a great responsibity to wield the power of belief.

Week of October 11, 2009: The Survival of Mankind

2009-10-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

I read a book several years ago called, "The Mountain People" by archeologist Colin M. "Ik" It was required reading for a course I was taking but it turned out to be one of the most interesting books I would ever read, and one that altered my perspective.

The Ik were relocated by the Kenyan government, who seized their land, decades ago to an area that was subject to extreme conditions of drought. This relocation permanently altered the culture of this tribe in an extreme way.

Over time, due to the deprivation of life's necessities, their culture suffered the loss of life's luxuries - including those that Western civilization would consider essential to human existence. The Ik people had a very short life span and by the age of 30, you were considered an elder. Children were cast out at the age of 2 to fend for themselves and formed groups to increase their odds of survival.

What Mr. Turnbull discovered in the Ik was that perhaps love is a luxury that we can afford, even in the poorest of areas. But when one's very survival is at stake, love becomes a luxury that people cannot afford. The Ik had no room for compassion, kindness, affection, companionship. They lived a harsh life where their time was devoted to their basic needs - water, food, shelter. That's it.

He gave examples of how this played out in Ik society. Many stick out vividly in my mind although its been about 15 years since I read the book. But the one story that really made its imprint is a story about a group of young boys who were throwing rocks at an "elder" who had fallen and hurt herself. As she lay there, unable to get up, they taunted her, they harmed her, they ridiculed her.

Mr. Turnbull understood that his role was as an observer and that he should not interfere with their society, but felt compelled to assist this woman. He could not stand idly by while she lay there helpless and coming to further harm by this band of young boys. So he shooed them away and helped her up.

The woman turned to him and said she wished he had not done so. With tears in her eyes, she said his assistance reminded her of the "old days" when her people were not like this and that its caused her great pain.

I heard on the Writer's Almanac last Thursday the following quote from Phillip Booth:

"I think survival is at stake for all of us all the time. … Every poem, every work of art, everything that is well done, well made, well said, generously given, adds to our chances of survival."

In the Ik society, it seems, their art is the art of finding water in a drought stricken land; their poetry is the poetry of the hunt; and the only thing well done is to live another day. That which is done in generosity is contrary to their survival because it illustrates the lack of community in their lives.

For a woman who is intent on spreading a contagion of compassion, this makes me think. Perhaps there are those better off without the compassion of others. Perhaps compassion is not kindness when extended to those who do not wish it. Perhaps compassion is a luxury I can afford since my I live in a society that values such attributes.

Who am I to ask that others reach out to extend themselves to strangers that might not appreciate their gestures?

Last winter, the renters in the apartment downstairs from us were such people. During a snowstorm, we had just had the driveway plowed and were situating the cars when they pulled in behind me. He got out screaming obscenities and demanding that I move my car right that second. Confused, we tried to figure out why they were responding with such anger. Turns out, during such a terrible snow storm, they had gotten a flat and struggled to get the car home. We offered our assistance repeatedly but they did not want it. They simply expected to pull into the driveway and change out the flat - aggravated at the fact that it had happened. We were in their way literally, and figuratively. They wanted none of what we offered.

They moved out a few months later and the thick air was finally lifted. They were angry people and no amount of compassion could soothe them.

That's bound to happen from time to time but when someone is in need of compassion and experiences the full measure of gratitude that you reached out to say, "what can I do?" it gives you a sense of completeness. You know that you have done good work and that your life has meaning. And that happens far more often.

Compassion Soup

2009-10-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

I was running an errand today as I do every Thursday. And on my Thursday morning errand, I take my dogs. At my destination, I usually take the dogs out on the grass that lies in front of the store.

I encountered a woman today who was in need of compassion.

She asked if my dogs were friendly and I thought she was referring to their friendliness with other dogs. I have a black lab who, consistent with her breed, is extremely loving and friendly. I also have a lab/sharpee rescue who had a really tough start in life. She was about 9 months old when we got her and by that time, she had a litter and was terribly abused. She therefore is not nearly as friendly as my lab but she is an angel nonetheless. She is sweet, loving and stubborn.

Anyway, this woman had just put down her dog of 14 years and was still in that vulnerable state where the loss just can't be described. I realized she was asking if they are friendly with people and for the most part, they are.

We talked for a few minutes about dogs and I could see the tears well up in this woman's eyes. I find that when dog parents get together, they hardly ever introduce themselves by name. We tend to refer to one another as the parent of our dog(s).

She looked lovingly at my dogs and thanked me for coming over with my babies. I didn't feel as though I "did" anything but apparently, whatever it was, it was enough to soothe her suffering if even just for a moment.

The unconditional love that dogs possess is compassion in its purest form.

Compassion at its Finest

2009-10-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning out my email folders and found an email that was sent to me a while back. Someone who knew James posted a comment remembering him on the two year anniversary of his crossing so I contacted him. I asked him to tell me what he remembers about James.

The following is his reply:

"It would be an absolute pleasure to share with you how James has impacted me as a person.

I remember coming into high school not knowing what to expect, it was like a kid walking into a room full of grown people all looking down at you. Luckily I got a head start by meeting about 100 people before school even started, that was because of marching band.

James was always a motivation for me. The kid always had a smile on his face. No matter how bad my day could've went, James was right there making a joke or two that would make it all just seem as i disappeared. He was exceptionally talented, before him I never even knew what a bassoon was, he sat down with me and a friend of mine and taught us all about the instrument, and even let us try it out. As a freshmen, which is usually a prank target, he literally sat and spent time with us and that was golden to me. I always appreciated him for that.

We also had the same lunch period in which we spent in the band room where we played some card games, played duets and trios, and just talked. There was never a dull moment.

Losing James was the first real time I was old enough to understand the loss of someone and it hit me pretty hard. It would just bring back memories of some very great times in such a short friendship I had with him, but I know that he is watching over all of us he loved. I continued my musical path with him right by my side and it is still pretty successful for me."

Keep the contagion spreading.....

New Toys

2009-10-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

I added a couple of new widgets to the blog. It's all so overwhelming when you're looking at things to add. There's so much out there.

I'm excited about the Skribit widget because it gives readers a chance to suggest topics for discussion. Let me know what you'd like for me to discuss. I'm open to your comments and suggestions!

Compassion Fatigue?

2009-10-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

I watched an interesting documentary last night. I walked in on the program already in progress so I'm not sure what it was called. I'll try to find out but what interested me is the story of this guy who suffers from memory loss. He had no head trauma or anything that might have caused this to occur but about 20 years ago, he was afflicted.

Now, he has no recollection beyond the immediate moment. In fact, often in the middle of a conversation or response to an inquiry, he will forget the discussion was even transpiring. He said he has no thoughts, no dreams, nothing in his mind.

The amazing thing is that he does recall his wife, who has stood by him all these years. When she leaves the room, if even for a moment, he greets her as though he has not seen her in years. He jumps up out of his chair with utter excitement and embraces her as though she had been gone for weeks.

I just came across this phenomenon known as Compassion Fatigue while doing some research on the internet. Compassion Fatigue apparently afflicts caregivers who experience burn-out from tending to the needs of a loved one on a regular basis.

From Wikipedia:

"Compassion fatigue, also known as a Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a term that refers to a gradual lessening of compassion over time. It is common among victims of trauma and individuals that work directly with victims of trauma. It was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s. Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt."

For the record, I do not promote compassion above taking care of oneself. Compassion must be balanced with self care and self nurturing. It is not rational nor is it healthy to diminish the importance of your own needs to tend to the needs of another.

I often wonder how and why some people are immune to the potential negative effects of their circumstances while others fall prey to it. One example is the child who grows up in a ghetto environment, surrounded by drug dealers and gangs, in fear for his/her life but determined to secure for themselves a better life. They obtain an education and persevere while most follow in the life that has been predetermined by their circumstances.

One theory is that the life you live is the path you are meant to be on.

I'm not sure but I think there must be more to it. What divine force would set a course for a child that included succumbing to the drug world, or world of prostitution? Our free will is what distinguishes us from other species in the animal kingdom. Free will must be a factor in our destiny since it provides us with the means to analyze and make choices.

I think that Compassion Fatigue stems from the choice not to exercise choice.

By that I mean, if you spend your time ignoring those signs and signals that tell you - "wait a minute, you need to take a break," then you are forming the building blocks to resentment within you. Each time you ignore your internal voice that lets you know it's time to do something to take care of yourself you are adding to the brick pile.

Or perhaps the caregiver roll was something you felt obliged to take on. I can see where that would cause instant Compassion Fatigue.

As I write this, I'm questioning the use of the word "Compassion" with regard to this affliction. Is it Compassion Fatigue, really? Or is it caregiving fatigue? Regardless, I think that this planet is in desperate need of more compassion and I will continue to be a proponent of this cause.

Week of October 4, 2009: Mystical Compassion

2009-10-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

There is a surgance of paranormal shows popping up these days on television. We seem to have a fascination with the spirit world and these shows tend to focus on the scientific evidence, the proof of hauntings and ghost activity. As any "good" television show should, they focus on the shock value of visual and auditory evidence that ghosts exist. The proof factor.

I may offend many an atheist or agnostic, but I can only discuss my core beliefs and my spiritual understanding. I know to be true that when we "die" our spirit lives. Our energy does not die. It is freed of the shell it occupies, which deteriorates without it. My conclusion is based on evidence both captured by my senses and understood on an intuitive level. I respect the beliefs of others who may not agree, but my mind will not be changed.

On the Contagion of Compassion Blog this past week, I wrote about my experiences after my son's death. I experienced his presence in many ways, most profoundly being the sensation of his energy in the room.

When James was a little boy, him and I were walking down the street one day, talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company. He spotted a penny on the ground and took a closer look. He saw that the penny was laying on the ground with the "tail" side facing up and said that it was only good luck if you found a penny with the "heads" side facing up. I said, "James, any time you find money on the ground it's good luck!" He stopped, looked upward as if to suggest he was thinking about what I had just said, and replied, "Oh, yeah! That's true!" He promptly bent down and picked up the penny.

That conversation would have much deeper meaning for me immediately after he died. I had left the funeral parlor in search of a particular issue of a particular magazine which featured James on the cover. It turns out that magazine was a computer generated gift to honor James' musical ability but at the time, I was intent on finding it. So I went store to store trying desperately to find it. I arrived at one particular store and was stopped in my tracks by a display of dozens of pennies right outside the door on the sidewalk. I could not
believe my eyes, there were so many pennies just laying there on the ground.

Since that day, there have been many a time when I called out to James, letting him know that I miss him terribly and that this planet is a lonelier place without him. He has answered my call with pennies on the ground. Letting me know he's still available, still nearby, still caring about his mom.

My connection with James has helped my understanding of the spirit realm evolve. I no longer fear this unknown. I am curious and eager to better understand its nature. One thing I am certain of is that when delving into the paranormal, caution is highly recommended. I cringe at the irresponsibility and cavallier attitude of many of those who televise their ghostly investigations. Spirits are not toys at our disposal to play with on whim and discard when unwanted.

Over the weeks since I started this Contagion of Compassion, I have felt an enormous sense of something larger than my existence. I call this feeling Mystical Compassion. Mystical Compassion is increasing your spiritual awareness through the practice of more compassionate behaviors. I've discussed before whether compassion is necessarily dependent on spirituality. It's not. But in my practice of compassion, I have a renewed sense of commitment to my spirituality. I find myself engaged in discussions about the spirit world and articulating theories I am only newly discovering - such as the transition period after death (see What Lies Beyond?).

This journey for me has been fascinating and welcomed with open arms. I am honored to take you with me - to travel together on this quest for understanding and compassion.

What Lies Beyond

2009-10-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with someone who is extremely spiritual this morning. She has an advanced psychic ability which I have seen with my own eyes, experienced with my own senses and witnessed many times.

She is a medium of great skill and versed in the language of the spirit world.

We were discussing the phenomenon, from the perspective of the person who has crossed over, of the residual energy that loved ones experience after their death. Why is it in the first year or so after your loved one dies that you feel their presence and know when they are around? Why is it that over time, that dissipates and you may know that their spirit is near, but you don't feel it in the same way that you did when they first left this plane?

I have a theory

I'm a scientist by nature and approach the abstract with that same desire to experiment, examine the evidence and formulate a conclusion based on what I observe with my senses. All along, keeping in mind that it is human nature to see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear, feel what we want to feel. I try to approach my understandings with an objective eye, as much as I can.

The most profound of experiences for me with this subject occurred in relation to James' crossing.

During that first year, I could feel him around me with such intensity, that I knew when he was in the room with me, comforting me, letting me know that where he was is a good place, a joyous and blissful place. He was safe, he was happy, he was free in a way that only someone in pure spirit energy form could be.

Seven years later, while I still have indications and signs that he is nearby, I don't feel that powerful sense of his presence. I don't feel that glorious feeling that I had when he first crossed and I knew this feeling I was experiencing is James' energy.

It's very possible that I've somehow changed in my perception. But my conclusion is that some other phenomenon has occurred.

I believe that when a person dies, their transition into the spirit realm is not an instant transition. When a spirit finds the light and enters, they have fully crossed but their energy requires time to complete the transition. Their energy is still connected to the realm they are leaving behind.

I likened this to the residual feeling you get after going on a spectacular vacation. You return home, still feeling that joy of your experiences. Your energy remains partly at that vacation destination and partly back to the circumstances of your every day and over time, you step more fully back into the here and now of your life. Over time, you fall back into your routine and the intensity dissipates. You still recall that vacation with fondness and retain that good feeling. But you return to the present, focused on the day to day at hand.

I don't know if this is the greatest of examples, but it's along the lines of what I believe happens. Your spirit energy requires time to fully immerse into the spirit realm. And I believe that God, in God's infinite wisdom and love for humanity, gifted the living with this transition period to learn how to let go of the people they loved who have crossed over.

Announcing the Contagion of Compassion Cafe!

2009-10-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

I just added a new feature to the Contagion of Compassion website called the Contagion of Compassion Cafe! You can peruse your favorite MP3s and look through books available for purchase through Amazon.com.

I'm excited about this new feature and hope you'll check it out!

You Say Tomato

2009-09-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

I read on Climb, Reach, Achieve Patrice's blog entry: "What does it mean to be poor?"

She says, "We would think and say well, being poor is having no money, being hungry, being naked and homeless. Yes, that's one aspect but in actuality, being poor is much deeper than that. It is being unwanted, uncared for, unloved. See, poverty not only describes ones financial situation but one's situation as a whole. It is everyone's problem. It transcends every line you can think of; age, race, religion, geography. It doesn't care whether you are black, white, rich, middle-class...
Next time, before being quick to use the word "poor" to describe a financial state or situation, think about what being poor really is. So care a little more, love a little more and share the wealth!"

I don't know that I agree.

I think that being poor is being unwanted, uncared for and unloved by oneself. The dictionary defines "poor" as lacking in material possessions but also as less than adequate or small in worth. I have been that unwanted, uncared for and unloved person. I spent years of my life trying to understand why no one loved me. Until I discovered that the key lied within me, I was convinced there was some valid reason - some internal flaw - that the world could see and I could not that justified the lack of affection, kindness and compassion in my life.

I learned that my life had value by working on my relationship with myself.

I've also lived in poverty. Not having enough money to pay the bills and juggling payments to keep the utilities going and a roof over my head.

Financial lack is an extention of the internal poverty we live within our minds. There are a lot of internet marketers out there lately promoting products that address the concept that your thoughts create your reality. I have been studying this concept for quite some time (about 20 years) and know that to a large extent, it's true. But there is the element of divinity and that which is beyond our control - fate, kismet, karma.....

What I do know and wholeheartedly agree with is that you reap what you sow and the language we use has great impact - a ripple effect that reaches far beyond what we can see. So I agree with Patrice - pay attention to what you are saying because the words you use can have a much deeper meaning than you may realize.

Your Voice Mail Box is Full

2009-09-29T07:50:00.000-07:00

I've touched upon this before, the idea that you cannot give compassion to others if you do not first extend compassion to yourself. I want to reach deeper into that concept and explore it further.

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend about self-loathing. It's not something we are born with. It's not a natural state of being or gene that is embedded in our DNA. It's not a desired emotional response to the thought of who we are and our purpose here in this life.

We all have things about ourselves that we'd like to change. Perhaps to shed a couple of pounds or to get rid of those pesky gray hairs. Botox gets rid of the wrinkles, collagen plumps up the lips, a nip here, a tuck there and we're back to our youthful look.

Maybe we're not as assertive as we want to be, or worry too much, or don't laugh as much as we think we should.

Is that self-loathing to want to change one's appearance by surgical intervention? Not necessarily.

Self-loathing is much stronger than the mere dissatisfaction with one's appearance or alter one's emotional state. Self-loathing is the destructive force that causes us to inflict our bodies and our minds with scars. It's within the person who has had so much plastic surgery that their face is no longer their own. It's within the person who is so riddled with stress that disease has infested their body. Self-loathing is within the person who has an eating disorder because their self image is distorted when looking in the mirror. Self-loathing is within the person who grasps onto anger and gives disease the fodder it needs to breed internally.

It's so cliche to say that self love is the most important love one must practice before they can extend it to those around them. But that doesn't make it any less true. We should not become desensitized to its importance just because it sounds corny.

Self-loathing is a protective response. We protect our psyche be adopting the messages we were sent at a time when our self-image was forming. We have to believe what the authority figures said about who were are when we relied upon them to sustain our life. Even if we rebelled against the notion and knew, on a fundamental level that they were wrong, the message can stick in our minds on a subconscious level.

Those messages become recorded on the mental voicemail box of our minds to be replayed over and over and over.

I know this to be true because it has been my experience. The messages I was sent were pretty awful and so I adopted that view of myself because I had to. It's taken me decades to rewire the circuits in my brain to kick self-loathing to the curb. And there is still work to go. The greatest source of inspiration for me are my children. I did not want to instill within them that feeling of self-loathing. I wanted to let them know that they are pure joy and inspiration for me. Extending myself to them in a positive way allowed me to learn how to be more compassionate with myself.

The result for me is that I now see within others that feeling of self-loathing. While my compassion is great for those who suffer in this way, I know I cannot save them from their internal struggles. For some, I cannot even convince them that it's there. But I hold them close in my prayers and know that I am doing all that I can to help them see that they are a gift to the world.

So, when you interact with your children, remember that they will one day become an adult and as an adult, they will carry with them the messages that you sent when they were forming their self-image. What message do you want for your children to replay in their minds as adults?

Week of September 27: What is Your Purpose?

2009-09-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

What is life without meaning, without direction, without purpose? Purpose gives us the desire to press onward, no matter how challenging life can be.

We overcome circumstances, situations, problems, and hardships when we feel we have purpose. We become larger than our problems. I’ve seen people survive events that should have ended their time here in this life and say, “It wasn’t my time. I have more to do here. I’m here for a purpose.”

Part of my purpose I think is to reach however many people I can to talk about compassion. I think I am a catalyst to spark the desire to live in a more compassionate world in as many people as I can. Out of my tragedy and to honor my son James, I have committed myself to this cause.

The interesting part of life is that we never know the effect we may have on others. While I speak of compassion, maybe my words have different meaning for someone who needs to hear a message of hope. Maybe what I say in my explorations and on my blog have an impact that is unforeseen. In the legal arena, we call that unintended consequences of an intentional act.

My intentional act is putting forth a website and a blog where I focus on the message of compassion. The unintended consequences are infinite. My purpose, no doubt, will dictate some of those consequences. My purpose will have some avenue of fulfillment through this medium. My purpose now has room to breathe in a way it may not have before I took on this endeavor.

Since we cannot know prior to its fulfillment what our purpose may be, how can we determine what action we should take to ensure its fulfillment? We may have a suspicion of what our purpose might be. We may be convinced we know what it is. But ultimately, we cannot know. We are not meant to know.

There are tools to assist us in navigating this terrain. Intuition. That gut feeling that lets us know what action to take or not take. Meditation. Listening to the quiet voice of greater wisdom inside that provides insights and guidance.

I’m certain that when you endeavor to speak and act with a pure heart, you need not be concerned about the ripple effect of your life’s impact on others. There is a universal law that you reap what you sow, that you attract what you radiate, that your thoughts create the reality that you live. I ascribe to those beliefs. I know them to be true.

I heard a story behind a song on the radio this week, “That’s How the Lost Get Found” by Britt Nicole. She said that one day she was at the mall and she saw this woman, a stranger. She said that God told her to go up to that woman and speak to her. God didn’t exactly tell her what to say but she said God touched her heart and told her to go speak to this stranger. Well, she didn’t. She was afraid to. This experience impacted her to such an extent that she wrote this song.

So, was part of her purpose to reach out to this woman or to reach millions more with the words of her song?

I don’t know the answer. Without that experience, she would not have had the emotional turmoil brewing within to give the words the same impact. Maybe she was meant to ignore that inner voice telling her that woman needed someone to reach out and say, “I care about your suffering and I desire to alleviate it.” Maybe she was meant to take that initiative and is using the subsequent emotional turmoil to create message to reach a more widespread audience.

There is not right or wrong answer, only life happening and our struggle to understand it.

What's more important?

2009-09-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

What's more important?

When you're in a relationship, often times your emotions, wants or needs conflict with your partner's. Their personality may conflict with your (i.e. you may be assertive while they are more passive) and someone's feelings get slighted in the process.

We know about compromise but it's never that easy to put into practice. If I compromise my position, will I always end up being the one to compromise? Will I always have to put the needs, wants and emotions of another before my own? Am I being selfish to talk about my own needs, wants and emotions? Am I forgetting about compassion if I do?

I think these are all valid questions and there's no "right" or "wrong" answer. What works best is what works best in your particular relationship.

But asking the questions is as important, if not more important, than the answers themselves. These questions get you to think about your actions, your reactions, your emotional well-being.

To be a compassionate person, you must necessarily be compassionate with yourself. I was raised to believe that this sort of "touchy, feely" stuff was ridiculous. For a long time, I was unforgiving with myself, therefore, I had no forgiveness to extend to anyone else. Now I know better. Now I can be kind and compassionate with myself and therefore, benefit the people around me with kindness and compassion.

Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out the answer to those questions but I'm really glad that today I know to ask them.

A Driver's Manual for a Healthy Relationship

2009-09-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

I just completed my latest E-Book: A Driver's Manual for a Healthy Relationship (and therefore, a Happy Life)!

I'm excited about this since I've been working on it for a while. I've mixed humor and guidelines to present an interesting manual of rules of a relationship road. A labor of purpose you might say.

Here's an excerpt:

We are each the driver of our own vehicle - our lives.

It’s often said that life is a journey. When engaging in any journey, we all rely on the rules of the road, no matter what vehicle we travel in. Car, truck, bus, plane, boat, bicycle, motorcycle. Whatever mode of transportation, someone has to pay attention to the rules that apply to operating that vehicle. Even when we’re walking, the rules of the road apply and we pay attention to others in their vehicles for our safety.

Just as when we get in our vehicle, turn the key and drive, we drive ourselves through life. Our choice to engage in good driving practices usually result in arriving at our destination without incident. Our choices to engage in bad driving practices have the potential to result in minor nuisance to catastrophic outcomes.

You may get away with driving under the influence of mind altering substances for a while, but eventually, when you tempt fate enough times, the odds work against your favor. The same principle holds true in relationships. Your choices govern the outcome, whether you are aware of your choices or whether they operate from subconscious beliefs you hold.

Each state provides its residents with a comprehensive manual or handbook for drivers. In life, there is very little else for which you are given such a comprehensive manual. Yet what can be more profoundly impacting on those you come in contact with than your ability to navigate your life.

We learn by example of our parents and other authority figures in our childhood and by our experiences in our formative years. We then take whatever we’ve learned, whether it be healthy or not, and proceed forward through life with rules that may help, but most likely will hinder our success in forming mature, healthy bonds in a loving relationship.

We drive through our lives with this distinct set of life rules oftentimes without questioning their prudence. We seek direction and guidance from religion, philosophy, self-help teachers, psychologists, pharmaceuticals, self-medication. Anything to find a cure, an answer to the problem that plagues us – what are the rules? Why am I getting a different response than I anticipated or expected? Why isn’t this working?

You have in your hands a valuable handbook that can help ensure a better driving experience through the journey of life. For your protection and the protection of others, I strongly urge you to read it and keep it handy for future reference.

This manual is a tool. To improve your driving experience requires commitment and courage to take responsibility for your driving habits, skills, and practices. You can help keep all of our life roads safe by applying what you learn in this handbook. Working together, we all can contribute to improving our lives, our community and our planet.

Wishing you a safe journey through life,
Reverend Jackie!

What's Different Today?

2009-09-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

I've been on this Contagion of Compassion quest for a couple of weeks now and I must say, it's been challenging. I knew that taking on this endeavor would be time consuming and that I would have to devote a substantial amount of energy into getting it out there on the net.

What I didn't realize is how much it would change my life by changing my perspective. I'm a great fan of changing one's perspective - learning new things, growing. I'm sure you can see that from my messages.

What's different today is that I woke up feeling a sense of peace I haven't felt in quite some years. I never realized how much stress I woke up with before I woke up without it today.

My circumstances haven't changed much. I'm still in the same position I was yesterday. I have contention in my relationship. Contention with the bill collectors. Contention with immediate family members with whom I never really have seen eye-to-eye. But my internal contention has been alleviated in some measurable way.

That contention does not dictate that I retaliate, that I compromise my goal of achieving a compassionate life, that I grasp onto anger or bitterness.

That contention, and contention in its many forms, presents the opportunity for self knowledge and evolution of the Spirit.

It's still with me, that sense of peace. I've been making a concerted effort to practice what I preach - be more compassionate when and where I can. Send forth into the universal energy my prayers for the well being of mankind. Corny as it sounds, it's true that your thoughts radiate outward. And inwardly, I'm reaping the rewards with a sense of peace.

It gives me a renewed sense of purpose.

Just Another Wednesday

2009-09-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

I found this interesting article on ArticleStreet.com called, "Overcoming Rejection by Cultivating High Self-Compassion."

I hope I'm not engaging in a faux paus here in terms of adding an article written by someone else to my blog. I'm new to this so I'm just familiarizing myself with the rules. Invariably, after I've taken the action I desire, I find out there was some procedure that I neglected to follow.

But isn't that the beauty of life? Making mistakes and learning from them. I love that part of life where you get to laugh at yourself and say, "oops!" People often fear mistakes, or get angry over mistakes (either their own or the mistakes of loved ones). I say, "SO WHAT?" So what if you knew better and did it anyway? So what if you took a chance and it didn't pan out? So what?

Words have the meaning we associate with them. Words are emotionally charged. I find mistakes invigorating, challenging, even joyous (opinion - not judgment). Others find mistakes wrong and bad and not to be made (judgment - not opinion).

I challenge you to enjoy your mistakes. Learn from them. Grow from them. Befriend them. You are human and you cannot help but make them. What you might discover is a new purpose for your life.

Opinion or Judgment?

2009-09-22T09:06:00.003-07:00

I had an interesting discussion with several people recently. Most people I've talked to about this seem to think that we all are judgmental beings. We all have judgments about things, people, places. We cannot escape our own human nature.

Well, I disagree.

My friend laughed yesterday and said, "You cannot make up your own definition." So I inquired, why not? Why can't I? She responded, "because no one else will understand your meaning."

Well, I don't accept that. I don't agree that we are all judgmental.

As I've discussed previously, judgment can be harsh. It can be devastating, it can destroy people's lives. But it can also be subtle. Judgment plays a significant role in our morality, our ethical standpoint. It is the ruler by which we measure what is appropriate and what is not. Anything taken to an extreme throws your life out of balance. There are those who would argue with that statement, such as adventure junkies who do extreme sports. That's a discussion for another time but I do stand by my statement.

Judgment is the notion of "should" or "should not." Example: Nadya Suleman should not have had the IVF procedure that lead to her having octuplets. I am outraged at this woman. Judgment is the notion of "must" and "must not." Example: "I must be acquiescent so that others will like me." I am afraid to be myself because then others won't like me. "Have to" and "can't" are other judgment indicators. These judgmental thoughts lead to emotional responses and reactions.

Opinion, while perhaps at times can sound like judgment, is very different. Opinion is how we perceive things, people and places. Opinion is a like or dislike. Opinion is an emotional reaction which can lead to judgment. Example: I feel bad for Nadya Suleman's children. I think they are doomed to have a bad life because of her decisions. Therefore, she should not have made the decision to have the IVF procedure that lead to her having octuplets. Another example: I'm anxious for people to like me. I think that people who are agreeable are always well liked by others. Therefore, I must be acquiescent so that others will like me.

We all have opinions. That I will agree with. We all have unique perspective which gives us the ability to process external events through our internal mechanisms. Our opinions add color and shape to the world around us. Our opinions define us.

Judgment obstructs compassion. We don't have to judge. It is not necessary to our survival. The next time you hear yourself making a judgment, ask yourself, "Why?"

Compassion needs air to breathe. It needs fields to roam and toys to play with. Judgment constricts the air around it. Give your compassion the space, air and time it deserves.

Through the compassion of others......

2009-09-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

I had a rough start to my day today. Things were not going as planned and I my stress level was increasing by the minute. Staying focused on compassion is not an easy task but I managed to maintain my composure and to my surprise, my desired results were accomplished.

Did you ever get that fleeting thought in your mind that lasts for maybe a milli-second and that you almost don't hear? That flash of something clear, not vague, but it's so quick that you aren't even sure it was a thought in your mind to begin with?

That, my friend, is intuition. I used to ignore it, which is rather easy since you aren't even sure it was there to begin with. I used to dismiss that gut instinct that let me know what was coming before it came. Like, grab that piece of paper off the counter, you'll need it later. Instead of grabbing it in the moment, I would tell myself I'll grab it on the way out or I'm not going to need that right now. Without fail, I would forget it and look for that piece of paper later which had some important information I needed much later on in the day.

Those little bursts of intuition are important. They keep you on track. They keep you running efficiently. They keep your life going more smoothly. Ignore them and what's left is looking for that piece of paper you failed to grab but really really need right now.

Intuition can be developed. We often talk about intuitive people as though they were chosen and been given this divine talent. We all have intuition. Nurturing it, fostering it, paying attention to it is what makes others seem special while we trudge about our lives with no hints or help from God. The power lies within. And it leads you to your purpose.

Will you accept the divine intuition within you?

Week of September 20, 2009: How Much Is Enough?

2009-09-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

How much of a commitment does living a compassionate life require?

Am I supposed to concentrate each minute of each day on how I can be more compassionate? Am I supposed to dedicate my life to expressing compassion in every way I can? How much time and energy am I supposed to spend on being compassionate?
Well, unlike the Tibetan nun in the Himalayas, most of us do not have the desire to spend our lives in solitary retreat, praying for the well being of humanity during each waking moment. We have lives to live. We have other interests. We have work, family, obligations to fulfill. Does that make us less than the ideal when it comes to being compassionate?

I think not at all. The desire to be a more compassionate person is enough to generate the momentum necessary to prompt action where action is needed. The commitment stems from that desire and the greater the desire, the greater the commitment. You need not consume your time in worry or concentration on the level of compassion you express. That comes from the trust and faith you put in yourself once the desire is expressed and the commitment follows.

It is important to discover the trigger points that block your compassionate side. Anger is a good indicator that your compassion is taking a back seat. But there are others. Complacent withdrawal of emotional attachment – do you unplug emotionally from your experience when you are afraid or anxious? The defense mechanisms we use to protect our emotional selves block the parts of us that the world most needs. Now, I’m no psychologist but I am a student of life and I’ve spent over half my life in a quest to better understand myself. To live an authentic life, one must process their emotional experience – whether the emotions we are experiencing at any given time are comfortable or uncomfortable.

Being compassionate in a situation gives you freedom, it gives you power, it brings you closer to your spirituality. It shifts the focus from ourselves to another. When we are extending compassion, we are not wallowing in despair, or stewing in our anger, or hiding behind a mask. We are naked before the world sharing the best of what we have to offer. Whether it be a small gesture or a grand act.

The authenticity comes from the initial desire and the commitment it breeds. No need to get consumed by each interaction, questioning if this is where compassion is needed. Trust your instinct. Allow compassion to flow.

Reflection

2009-09-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." Frederick Douglass

Where can I find compassion?

2009-09-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

Compassion is everywhere. Look around. It's in the gesture of friends, the eyes of your loved ones, the smile of a stranger, the wag of your dog's tail, the scent of blooming flowers, the sound of crashing waves at the ocean's shore. Compassion is everywhere.

Each day, we can choose to see compassion in the world around us or we can choose to ignore it, discard it.

The eyes we look through determine our experience.

So when you are feeling as though there is no compassion is your life, open your eyes and heart to it. Send it forth through your own actions and watch its reflection come back to you in all the mysterious, wonderful ways of universal abundance. It will give your life purpose and meaning.

Old Challenge, New Answers....

2009-09-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

So, I was faced with a situation today that caused me great stress. I was not able to extend compassion when I deeply wished to. My anger was obstructing the flow of compassion from my heart. Stressful dilemma.

So what to do? What does one do when anger (a very powerful emotion) takes charge when one wants to increase compassion in their lives?

My solution today, which worked for me, was to pray. I recited a prayer over and over and over until my anger was diffused and the situation became more relaxed. That's what I did today and it worked for me. In a more balanced state, I could easily tap into the compassion within and pull it out for all to see.

In the Most Unlikely of Places

2009-09-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

I sort of half-watched the VMAs yesterday and saw a moving display of compassion in the most unlikely of places - the celebrity scene. Mostly what is publicized is done so for the sensationalism of it all. But there before us, live before millions of people, Beyonce Knowles gave us all a source of inspiration for compassion.

If you haven't heard, and I'm sure most have, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift's moment by making a rude suggestion that she Beyonce should have won the award she was awarded. Here's where my half-watching comes into play. I don't really know what the award was for - best something or another. And I'm sure I could easily google it and get the answer using the "I'm feeling lucky" button. But the point here is that later on in the show, when Beyonce won for whatever category it was that she won for, with grace and compassion and love, she turned the spotlight to Taylor Swift. Beyonce gave her moment away to someone who was bruised by the thoughtlessness of another. Outstanding! Well done! What a classy lady!

And Kanye, well, he deserves a little compassion too. His mom died not too long ago and he's in a lot of pain. No excuse, but cause for compassion. Kanye, I extend to you my heartfelt sympathy. I understand your pain of losing someone so close to you, the finality of it, the ache to see them, hear them, hold them.

But to Beyonce, my respect and admiration. What a wonderful gesture. Thank you for your kindness.

Week of September 13, 2009: Am I Comfortable in My Skin?

2009-09-16T10:23:00.001-07:00

One of my greatest conflicts is the idea of the interest of business vs. the interest of consumers.
I’m a consumer advocate, no doubt. I believe that business has a responsibility to the consumers who make that business thrive and its employees who devote their talent, energy and time to making the business succeed.
I’m also a business owner who is not a very good salesperson according to the standards of most. I don’t believe in pressuring the consumer to buy, or talking people into buying my products just to make money. I believe strongly in what I sell and I believe that there are plenty of people who will benefit from it. I don’t need to assert a sale. Now, the purpose of this forum is not to push my business so I’m not going to mention my company’s name. But it is a source of conflict for me—is there such a thing as being too kind, too fair?
Big business is starting to realize that the old way of doing business is outdated. Treat your employees fairly, give them ample opportunity to have balance in their lives, and they will be extremely productive and loyal. I like that. And it’s being proven to be a prudent business model.
I can’t go against my values and ethics no matter what I’m doing. I worked for a company that kept pushing the line and eventually, the squishy lines got blurred and I had to quit a pretty well paying job. I just could not put my name behind a product that was less than safe for people and my boss was all too consumed by the numbers. Sell! Sell! Sell!
The loss of that job has put me in a financial pinch. Along with many others, I’m a statistic in the unemployment numbers. But as difficult as this is, not being comfortable in my skin is a thousand million times worse.
In order to be a more compassionate human being, one must be comfortable in one’s skin. You cannot be in internal conflict and express the emotions which are borne of peace and balance. But often, the decisions we must make to be comfortable in our skin are decisions that put us in difficult situations. Being unemployed during this economic disaster is scary and hard. But for me, it’s also opened up opportunities that I would not have had were it not for the current situation I’m in. I would not have had the time and energy to focus on getting my contagion started. I would not have made the commitment to putting up this website and getting my message out. I would have thought about it, wanted to do it, but my time would have been consumed with other things that I had to do.
I’m grateful to the universal wisdom that knew better than I that quitting that job was the best decision for me to make.
So for today I feel extremely comfortable in my skin. I can talk to you about compassion with fiery passion and tell you how important it is that we hold compassion in great esteem as a crucial aspect of humanity.
To reach out, even in some small way, to another in need of compassion is the seed that will grow the roots of change. Don’t think any action is too insignificant. Don’t be afraid of failure or rejection. Take a chance that your act of kindness matters in the grand scheme of life because IT DOES!

Week of September 6, 2009: What About Nadya Suleman?

2009-09-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

Learn how to embrace the compassion within you. Strive for the expression of compassion in your life. Give your compassion to those who need it the most– the people you least care to extend it to.

What about Octo-Mom? Does she deserve compassion? Most of us think, no. She has been vilified by our society for how her “poor” choices have adversely affected the lives of her innocent, new born and toddler children. Nadya Suleman most certainly does not deserve our compassion. So we give her our anger and our hatred instead.

How can those kids possibly have a good life? She is a single parent, with limited income, and all those kids to take care of. She can’t provide for them so society bears the burden. She can’t give them her attention so they each will have to learn to live with less attention than a child ought to have. They have no father in their lives so they will grow up with all the issues that kids tend to have when they don’t have their father as a loving, caring parent in their lives. What a terrible situation. So, we see her in the street, filling up her van with gas, and scream at her while her children are in the car, waiting for mommy. We tell her what we think of her because that’s what she deserves! We judge her and condemn her and ridicule her.

Are those not reasons to extend compassion? Most of us are fortunate that our mistakes go unnoticed by the public eye. We glide below the radar and don’t have to face the mass judgment of society. Most of us just screw up from time to time. Sometimes our mistakes are big and cost us or others a lot of money, or hurt our children, or cause damage. Sometimes, we make little mistakes that don’t really matter in the scheme of things or they are lessons we learn from and go about our path of evolution. We’re lucky that Bill O’Reilly or Larry King don’t really care much about our mistakes.

And sometimes, we do something that we feel strongly passionate about and other people think, “Wow, what a mistake.” But we are convinced our actions are just, we are devoted to our path, we have conviction. We may face resistance, we may face adverse consequences, but we are strong in our faith that we are doing what we must. Luckily, just not in the public eye.

Compassion, like most other positive expressions of love, is something we extend or withhold depending on how we perceive another’s worthiness. But those who we perceive to be least worthy are those who need our compassion the most. Even Nadya Suleman.

I don’t know why kind of life her children, all 14 of them, are apt to live. But I do know that she has gone on t.v., in front of millions of viewers, and declared that although she does not have much to offer in terms of the luxuries of life, she loves her children and has no short supply of that. I did note that Nadya’s mom had no outpouring of love and support for her daughter in her daughter’s time of need. Nadya’s mom, who had but one child she raised, could not muster up kindness and compassion because her judgment was more pressing.

Did she have a tummy tuck, why did she fire the free nannies, is she jealous of Kate Gosslin? These are the pressing questions that we need answers for. Fundamentally, I ask, “Does Octomom have a right to live her life?” We all do.

So, I dare you to extend compassion to someone in your life that you are sure does not deserve your compassion. I double dare you to ask how you can help relieve their suffering. I guarantee that you will gain far more than you will be asked to give in this exercise.

I’m going to do it too. I’ll let you know how it turns out.